Sex : Why Wait.....10 years

Discuss all those things you can't talk about in church

Postby hailbop » Tue Feb 08, 2005 11:57 pm

Mark P wrote:Mrs. Site Admin had a good view or reference for this.

It works on (if I am quoting properly) a scale of commitment and privilege. If you are committed to a certain level then you can have a sexual privilege to a similar amount (for lack of a better term).


Mark, thanks for quoting me and yes you did it properly.
I really enjoyed our visit the other night with you and the "better half"
It's good to know you're now a sexual advisor, wink wink
Perhaps I'll need to call on you sometime! Ha ha
NO but seriously I'm glad you posted that ...sounds better from you!

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:wink:
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Postby Mark P » Wed Feb 09, 2005 10:27 am

LOL.

I am no sexual advisor! I need all the help I can get. Trust me!
Or I am sure you already know. lol :P :D :P :D
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Postby Shawn Cuthill » Sun Mar 20, 2005 1:27 pm

I saw something on the other brethren forum about this:

HERE

Weekly Report of Brethren Christians Forum Group Activity

New Messages:

What should i do - my boyfriend want sex
"They offered you a choice
between the death of your principles
and the death of your body" - V
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Postby Shawn Cuthill » Mon Mar 21, 2005 9:06 pm

Saw this spot on CBC tonight:

[url=http://www.cbc.ca/programguide/program/index.jsp?program=Passionate+Eye] Secrets: A Parent's Guide To Teenage Sexuality
[/url]
What do teens really know about sex? How do they get their information? And are they properly prepared to make smart choices? Equally tender and frightening, Secrets: A Parent's Guide To Teenage Sexuality gives viewers behind-the-scenes access into the lives of a group of teens, as they speak candidly about the often hidden world of teen sexuality. Armed with a camera in one hand and a survey in the other, filmmakers Arlene Ami and Trish Williams spent over a year exploring the new attitudes of Canadian teens. Viewers travel the front lines of the current casual sex revolution in this frank and provocative one-hour exposé of the new norms of teenage sexuality.


One of the things that stuck out to me was that they were exposing teen terms like "friends with benefits", even more casual is a "hook up" with complete strangers. This is nothing new to me working with teens, but it does open the question of how to deter teens from sex until marriage. Fear? Openness? Education?
"They offered you a choice
between the death of your principles
and the death of your body" - V
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Postby TheRussian » Mon Mar 21, 2005 10:45 pm

ShawnCuthill.com wrote:One of the things that stuck out to me was that they were exposing teen terms like "friends with benefits", even more casual is a "hook up" with complete strangers.

Wow. Booooo!
This is nothing new to me working with teens, but it does open the question of how to deter teens from sex until marriage. Fear? Openness? Education?

Fear can be overdone, but you've gotta be open and educate, but the best thing is for teens to have good friends, and good experiences with the opposite sex - I say "good" in terms both of "fun" and "morally good". What gets a lot of teens, as much as the hormones, as well is friends. Are they promiscuous? Then that will mean pressure on those who are not.

I think of one episode of Buffy, 1.4 "Teacher's Pet", was an excellent demonstration of this. Xander (stupid git that he is) was getting hassled by other guys because he hadn't gotten any yet, and out of that pressure decides to go for his substitute science teacher who was really putting it out there. Turns out she was a giant preying mantis who was going to copulate with him and then eat him, so, there was that metaphor for the dangers of inappropriate sex. As well, what I'd like other teenage guys to see, is that the one guy who was hassling Xander the most, who bragged about how many women he'd been with, was also exposed as a virgin by the interest of this she-mantis; I think that's helpful for a lot of guys to know, that the boasts of their peers are mostly lies. Now, mind you, I have real issues for the sexual ethics of Joss Whedon as expressed in Buffy/Angel: sex bad. Fathers bad. But that episode I would show to a youth group before most of the 70s sex ed 80mm filmstrips about Fluffy Bunny, and how you're growing hair where there was no hair before.
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Postby drewcosten » Tue Mar 22, 2005 9:37 am

TheRussian wrote:[Now, mind you, I have real issues for the sexual ethics of Joss Whedon as expressed in Buffy/Angel: sex bad. Fathers bad.


I didn't get the message "sex bad" from Buffy, even in season two's Surprise/Innocence. I think it was supposed to be more of a metaphor of what can happen in life, that sex is powerful and can be dangerous but isn't necessarily bad. Now seeing "fathers bad", on the other hand, is spot on. Joss definitely does seem to have some father issues. :)
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Postby TheRussian » Tue Mar 22, 2005 10:40 am

How many messages of "sex good" were there on Buffy/Angel? Not many. Riley and Buffy having sex almost caused the death of a whole frat house; Angel's curse, of course; Buffy and Spike; Spike and Anya; Buffy and Parker; Xander and Faith...etc.

And this, from Angel season one, "Expecting":

Cordelia: What did I learn?...Sex is bad...
Angel: We all knew that.

Sex was occasionally portrayed as something that wasn't bad, (sometimes with Riley and buffy, Fred and Gunn) but I can't think offhand of a time when it was portrayed as good.
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Postby drewcosten » Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:02 am

TheRussian wrote:How many messages of "sex good" were there on Buffy/Angel? Not many. Riley and Buffy having sex almost caused the death of a whole frat house; Angel's curse, of course; Buffy and Spike; Spike and Anya; Buffy and Parker; Xander and Faith...etc.

And this, from Angel season one, "Expecting":

Cordelia: What did I learn?...Sex is bad...
Angel: We all knew that.

Sex was occasionally portrayed as something that wasn't bad, (sometimes with Riley and buffy, Fred and Gunn) but I can't think offhand of a time when it was portrayed as good.


I guess I always saw sex as similar to magic on the show, not good or evil, but powerful and to be used carefully. Just as many characters misunderstood and misused magic when they were younger, when they matured and used it properly it was generally ok (compare Willow with magic in Villains/Two To Go/Grave vs. Chosen and Angel and Buffy in Surprise/Innocence vs. Angel and Nina in Not Fade Away with sex).
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Postby TheRussian » Fri Apr 08, 2005 2:24 am

drewcosten wrote:I guess I always saw sex as similar to magic on the show, not good or evil, but powerful and to be used carefully.

My impression is, it's almost always bad, except in rare circumstances. I kinda liked the message Wood hit home on Faith after they had sex, where he showed her that she can't always wow people with sex, and that there's a lot more to life beyond the physical urges. (And Faith's, "Dude, I got madd skillz...You're going to learn a little respect here, pal" was hilarious.)

Offhand, I can't think of any examples on the shows of married couples having sex; or rather, sex between married couples being shown as something desirable.
Just as many characters misunderstood and misused magic when they were younger,

Or that lame, Shaggy-soundalike Xander, when he was what, 22?
when they matured and used it properly it was generally ok (compare Willow with magic in Villains/Two To Go/Grave vs. Chosen and Angel and Buffy in Surprise/Innocence vs. Angel and Nina in Not Fade Away with sex).

OK, good call.
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